I’m getting to that point where I get restless and just NEED to do something. I feel like I could read but then I feel that that will bore me. Then I try to watch tv but that doesn’t distract me. So I’m trying typing.
I realized the other day that I definitely want to be an actress. I’ve been debating between acting and editing books for a living. I thoroughly enjoy academic classes and I love reading and editing, but ever since I found the theatre I have been in love with it. The idea of being on the stage is beautiful to me. I want nothing more than to be a part of that family that you can only find on the stage. The classes may bring a different joy than the joy that I have learned to find in books but I can still take literature courses and read and edit my friends work. I have always hidden in books. I don’t see this as a bad thing but I need to learn that I can be happy elsewhere. I have been leaning towards editing because it would be easy. I could take classes that I didn’t have to put any effort into, read all the time instead of doing homework, and then graduate with complete confidence that I would get a job. Plus, I could continue living the life I’ve lived since I was five and live completely in the books I read. While I did have an active childhood, books always came first. Now I need to put something else first. I want to act. It will be hard and the job market is a lot less open, but I’m excited about that. It’s something new and different. I can change who I am and run through the streets of almost any city, laughing because of how much I love my job and how wonderful my life is. I don’t want to work in an office, even if it’s doing something I love. I want to work where everyday is completely different. I want to live a different life every night when I walk onto the stage. The lines and the staging may be the same but I will be a different person because that’s what theatre does. It creates happiness.
On a different note. I just finished the 8th book of A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Hostile Hospital, and I was intrigued by the Volunteers Fighting Disease. They say that a positive attitude is the best cure for disease and for pretty much everything else. This is actually true but they take it way too far. My mother would be appalled. Lemony Snicket and the Baudelaires keep trashing them because medicine will obviously cure someone before a smile will. Obviously, this is true. The point is that you will heal faster if you’re happy and positive, not that medicine is unnecessary. It actually bothered me every time they brought it up. My mom is officially brainwashing me. Yet… I think I’m ok with it. It will be interesting to see me being a positive thinker. I would like to make it clear though that I will not stop being dark and loving dark stuff. Wickedhas always been my favorite book. My moms and sister hate it because it’s too negative but I will not become like that!
I want to run in the rain again with my man and watch the crows roost in the morning.